My Daddy's Whistle

This is Heather.

I was 5 years old and I was playing in the driveway with my sister. The ball we were playing with rolled out into the street and so naturally, I started running to get it. My daddy whistled and I immediately stopped and turned around. Why? Because my daddy whistled.

I was 7 years old and I was at the creek with my neighbor and we were catching crawdads with string and pieces of hot dog. I was reeling in a "big one" when my daddy whistled! I knew it was time to come home. I didn't finish reeling it in...I dropped the string and ran home. Why? Because my daddy whistled.

I was 10 and at Disney World with my family. There were so many people there and I suddenly realized I didn't know anyone around me. I started looking for someone in my family and no one looked familiar. I started to panic and fear started swelling in me. I was just about to start crying when I heard a familiar sound. I turned around and there was my dad. I ran into his arms. Why? Because my dad whistled. 

I was 17 and in the semi-finals of the state championship basketball game. Our star player was out of the game. We were losing and I knew my basketball career was over The other team was shooting free-throws and I was on the verge of tears. I heard my daddy whistle and I knew without looking that he was saying. I gave my best until the very last buzzer. Why? Because my daddy whistled. 

3 weeks ago, I am 43, it was the first day of school. I was in my car with the praise music blaring and singing at the top of my lungs. I stopped at the red light and there were cars all around and I heard a whistle over all the noise.  I immediately turned and my daddy was sitting in the car next to me smiling and waving. He said how beautiful I looked (that never stops even at 43) and how he hoped I had a good first day at school. He then said that he loved me. The light turned green so I told him I loved him too and quickly rolled up my window and went on my way. 

As I drove away, God said something to me. Oh how I love it when he does that! I heard Him say to me, "You never fail to hear your daddy's whistle. Do you listen that closely for mine?"

So, over the last few weeks I have been thinking about that a lot. Do I listen carefully for the "whistle" of my heavenly Father? If I did, how did my marriage get in such a mess 7 years ago? Then I heard Him say to me, "Precious one, you stopped listening." That was a hard one to hear. I quit listening 7 years ago. He was "whistling" and using the Holy Spirit to warn me and nudge me and send red flags my way, but I wasn't listening. I ignored him so much that I stopped hearing Him. 

Praise God He loved me enough to chase after me. He came back for me. He broke me and showed me who I was without Him and I fell in love with Jesus. Now, I can hear my Heavenly Father "whistle" at me all the time. He uses His Word, pastor Chip, Pennye (my mentor), Rusty, worship music, and my Godly friends to "whistle" and get my attention on a daily basis.  I recognize it and I pray that I never quit listening again. 

As I thought back to the hundred's of times my dad whistled at me, I realized that my Heavenly Father does the same thing. He is there to "whistle" and keep us out of danger. I hear it when my flesh starts to win. He is there to "whistle" and tell us to finish strong. On days when I didn't know if our marriage would make it, He would tell me that I had to keep fighting. He is there to "whistle" and tell us that we are beautiful and that He loves us. I had to hear this one a lot. When you have done something so sinful that you think He could not possibly love you, this is a great "whistle" to hear! He is there to "whistle" to tell us when we are lost and that it is time to come home. 

Have you heard his "whistle" today? Or are you simply not listening? 

The greatest pastor I know

I wonder how many of my pastor friends will read this post wondering if their name is mentioned. Maybe the title was a good way to get them to read our blog!

One of the obvious challenges that comes with the battle against cancer is medical bills. Let me first of all say that I have never been so thankful for health insurance. I know that we all complain about the high cost of medical insurance, but if you ever go through a major medical crisis such as cancer you will learn to be thankful for it. Although insurance has helped us greatly, there are still major medical bills to be paid. So, before paying our first round of medical bills I did my due diligence and checked with one of the facilities about a pastoral discount that we have received in the past. We have been eligible for the discount before as I am a licensed minister in full-time vocational ministry. Unfortunately, I was told that the discount no longer applies to family members and only to the pastor himself. So this time, they asked me if my wife, the patient, was a pastor as well. My immediate response, and I guess the technical and/or legal truth, was that she is not a pastor. As a result, she is not eligible for the pastoral discount.

A few days later, I was telling my parents about the new protocol for the pastoral discount. I told them that they had asked me if Heather was a pastor. My mom didn't miss a beat and asked, "Did you tell them that, yes, she is a pastor? Just tell them to go read her blog and they will understand that she is very much a pastor." I don't think that my mom was encouraging me to lie, but she was making a very clear point that Heather could be considered just as much of a pastor as anyone.

The more I have thought about that, the more I agree. She may not be a pastor in the traditional definition of the word ("a minister in charge of a Christian congregation"), but she fits the bill for other definitions of the word ("shepherd" or "having spiritual charge over a person or group").

First of all, she is copastor of our family of four. In fact, she is probably a greater pastor to our family in many ways than I am.

Secondly, she pastors a group of kids every day. If you know her, you know that she takes that mission field very seriously, and she is an amazing shepherd to that flock.

Heather is also a pastor to a group of people that seek out our marriage ministry for encouragement and advice. You know her story and have followed her journey through our website and this blog. Many of you have seen her live out her testimony in the most difficult of circumstances in public. There is now a group of people that would probably say that Heather's testimony has pastored them through some dark days of their own lives.

Finally, she is now pastoring all of us through her attitude and strength as she fights breast cancer with amazing faith and courage.

Pastor is probably not the correct word to be using here, but I hope that you can see that we can all be pastors in some sense of the word. I know that I can only hope to be as good of a pastor as my wife. She is the greatest pastor that I know.

Rusty

I Look Ahead

I (Heather) haven’t wanted to write a blog post about my recent diagnosis on here because I didn’t see how the two things related. How does fighting cancer have anything to do with marriage?

Today is January 1, 2017, the fist day of the New Year. I was so excited to start this year by spending time worshipping with our Pinelake church family this morning. Jeff Redding was at Pinelake Clinton this morning and suggested that we were one of two people looking into 2017. We were either so excited about 2016 that we were running anxiously towards 2017, or, we were someone that is thankful that 2016 is over and we are looking expectantly for 2017 to be better.  As I thought about this, I thought about my cancer diagnosis! I knew immediately that I was looking expectantly to 2017. My prayer, without any doubt, is that God will completely heal me this year. I pray that after chemo, my surgery, and more chemo, that the doctor will say to me later this year, “Heather, you are cancer free!” I know that this is the prayer of mine, my family, my friends, my church family, and many others that are praying on my behalf. As we sang about our God that is good, chills ran over my body. We also sang “I look up” and tears ran down my face. Just listen to the words of this chorus.

I will look up for there is none above you

I will bow down to tell you that I need you

Jesus, Lord of all

Jesus, Lord of all

I will look back and see that you are faithful

I look ahead believing you are able

I have sung these words so many times! I have sung them with everything I have! I have sung them knowing that as I look back I can see that He is faithful! Oh how He showed himself faithful in our marriage!

But today, different words pulled at my heart. The words “I look ahead believing you are able” roared in my ears. It’s easy to look back and see His faithfulness, but do I look ahead BELIEVING that He is able? As I sat down to listen to Chip preach, I was processing through this thought in my mind. Then, he started preaching and stepped all over my toes! I will summarize it the best that I can, but if you are not a Pinelake member, I highly suggest you download the app and listen to it!

He talked about God having a plan for our lives and that we will know that plan if we surrender to Him each day. He said that God has created us for a purpose and that there is NOTHING that God cannot do in 2017! He gave us 3 ways that we can experience God’s best for us. The first way is to acknowledge and believe that God has a plan. The second way is to surrender to God’s plan. Chip made some amazing points that can be life changing in those 2 ways, but it was the third way that has rocked my world. The third way to experience God’s best for me is to realize that His plan is a journey. He brings fire to get the impurities out of my life. It’s a process. So, how do I experience God’s best for me? I embrace the journey! This is where the toe stomping occurred!

So many times since my diagnosis have I just wanted it to be over. I have wanted to get to October 2017, where my prayer will be to hear my oncologist say “Heather, you are cancer free!”. So, honestly, I was looking at 2017 just wanting to be at the end of it where I could hopefully start “normal life” again. Toes bruised!

So as I start 2017, it looks way different than it did a few hours ago. I pray that I enjoy every step of this journey called cancer. I pray that in the good times and the bad, I will be able to recognize it as part of the process. I pray that as I walk this journey with Him, I will look more like Him than I did at the beginning. I know that I will always sing “I look back and see that you are faithful” but Oh how I pray that I will start singing now with everything I have “I look ahead, believing you are able!”

Our God is faithful and our God is able. I want to embrace the journey. I want to look more like Him this year, in 2017!

Heather

In Sickness and in Health

"In sickness and in health..."

I'm sure that I meant those vows back in 1996, but I'm also quite sure that I was not thinking about CANCER! But here we are 20 years later, and cancer is exactly what we are facing. In late October Heather was diagnosed with breast cancer. You can follow her journey through a Facebook page that her friends set up for her - "Hope for Heather."

God is already revealing Himself and teaching us so much about life, love, friendship, provision...and, of course...forgiveness?

This is a marriage blog, so let's get straight to the point:

Our marriage crisis in 2011 was painfully public, and is also well documented through this blog and our website (www.3strandsmarriage.org). At the risk of sounding insensitive (a much more harsh word is needed but I just couldn't think of one), there were days in 2011 that I probably wouldn't have cared if I found out Heather had cancer. The pain was real enough to where I honestly would have been ok if she was not alive. I'm trying to choose my words carefully even as I write this, because I know how awful that sounds. But unless you have lived through a similar pain, don't judge!

Through time I grew, I learned, I matured...I forgave. Or did I?

The process of forgiveness was a big part of my healing. I researched, studied, read, and listened to countless sermons on forgiveness. Based on what I understood about forgiveness, I could confidently tell Heather that I forgave her.

But then there were those days...

Triggers happened. The pain returned. The doubt crept back in. Did I really forgive her?

I got my answer on October 27, 2016. That is the day that the doctor called with the biopsy results. That is the day that cancer became a part of our lives.

On October 27...
I knew that I didn't want Heather to have cancer.
I knew that I would give anything to have cancer in Heather's place.
I knew that I would gladly take every treatment and have every surgery if Heather didn't have to.
I knew that I had fully forgiven Heather.

And on October 27 I claimed that the same God that healed my marriage will heal cancer.

Heather's Story - Video

I (Rusty) was trying to think of some type of introduction to Heather's story, and realized that there are just no words. I am proud of Heather and the work that she has allowed God to do in her life since August 2011. If you are looking for hope, forgiveness, redemption...watch Heather's story:

If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words...

Pictures are great, but videos are absolute game changers!

We have been wanting to include videos on our website for quite some time, but we didn't just want to throw up some homemade video taken with our iPhone (not that anything is wrong with that). Forget the camcorder, GoPro, iPhone, or whatever else you can whip out and make a video with these days, we took it to another level...because we know people!

All of the credit goes to our good friend Jamey Wells (or James Wells to those of you that met him after college graduation). Jamey and his family moved back to work with me (Rusty) and Brilla Soccer Ministries a few months ago. He also brought along his expertise in videography. Although he moved back to work with Brilla, he has also been excited about getting involved with 3Strands Marriage Ministry, and helping us share our story of hope, restoration, and redemption with other married couples. In fact, I have only somewhat jokingly called him our agent over the last few months.

Check out his work that we just added to our website, and feel free to pass it along to anyone that may be encouraged by it:

http://www.3strandsmarriage.org/videos

You can also subscribe to our YouTube channel here: 3Strands Marriage Ministry YouTube

Since I am a rookie at all of this video stuff, I am impressing myself by putting ONE of the FOUR videos right here in this blog (I honestly have no idea how I just did this)! Check out this video, and all of our other videos on our website. Maybe we can convince Jamey to produce more video content for us if we get a lot of hits!

Dear Younger Me (Heather's Version)

You might think that this is a wasted blog post. In reality, it could be summed up really quickly. Dear younger me, “don’t have an affair”! But, if it was that easy, adultery wouldn’t be destroying marriages and families at an alarming rate and Rusty and I wouldn’t be getting more calls than you could ever imagine from people going through the same thing! So, instead of trying to make it that simple, I want to dig deep into what I would really say to “the younger me”!

September 2^nd is a very special day for me. On this day in 2011, my life changed forever. It was several days after my sin was made public and everything was out in the open. It was a day that my God loved me enough to break me. He loved me enough to let my world fall apart. He loved me enough to let me cry out for mercy so that He could save my soul. This was the day that changed everything! I fell in love with Jesus more than I ever knew was possible. With me being so in love with Jesus and seeking after Him with everything I had, Satan was supposed to stay away, right? Wrong. It seems like that is when He tries to trip you up the most. Have you ever felt that way?

Let me give you an example. Several days after my life changing experience with The Lord, I was driving down the road by myself and I saw someone from my story that I needed to run away from coming towards the same 4 way stop I was approaching. I knew that if I went right, I would pass him and maybe throw an “I’m sorry” wave his direction. Everything in my flesh was saying “Go Right! It couldn’t hurt anything. You hurt him so much. You could at least try to give him a sympathetic wave. I mean you owe him at least that much, right?” But, the Holy Spirit was screaming at me to “GO LEFT!” It wasn’t a whisper either. It was a big red flag waving in my face and the Holy Spirit was fighting for me!” So, even though my flesh didn’t want to, I turned left and the whole time I was screaming at myself “Go left, Heather! Go left!” Turning Left was a victory for me that day. It was such a rush to have actually heard the Holy Spirit and then to listen to His voice. It made me wonder when I had quit hearing it.

If you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, scripture tells us that the Holy Spirit is in you and is there to guide you as you go. So, dear younger me, please know that the Holy Spirit is with you and listen to his voice. If you ignore it again and again, you will stop hearing it. Dear Younger me, watch for red flags that are trying to alert you to things that will hurt your relationship with Him. If you start to ignore them, the flags start to fade. Things that should cause a check in your spirit start to feel normal. Things that “everyone else is doing” become things that you do as well. Things that used to make you feel uncomfortable are suddenly ok. Judging others suddenly becomes your joy and taking care of your outward appearance becomes so much more important that taking care of your heart.

Listen to Him. However He speaks to you, listen. He might speak through a song, a friend, a sermon, a devotion, or a blog. Whenever you hear His voice, even if it is just a whisper, run to Him. Run with everything that you have and fall at His feet.

Dear Younger Me, I have seen what else it out there and I choose Jesus. Go Left!