On August 23, 2011, our lives and our marriage changed forever when Heather confessed to committing adultery. There are so many details of that night that will haunt me (Rusty) forever, but late in the night I experienced a peace and a hope that is just as much a vivid memory today as all of the pain from that night.
When I finally crashed in my youngest son's bed around 3:00 that morning, God drew me to a verse. Malachi 2:16: "I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel. I knew that adultery signaled a biblical grounds for divorce, but this verse in Malachi gave me hope that fighting for my marriage was the right thing to do. As I lay in bed in the wee hours of the morning, God drew me to a memory from several years earlier. Heather's cousin, John-John (as we call him), had gotten married on the campus of Berry College in Rome, GA. While at the wedding, John-John's uncle, Bubba Cathy (Chick-fil-A Founder Truett Cathy's youngest son), took us on a tour of the old dairy farm on the campus. Bubba and his wife were investing their personal finances to transform the old farm into a retreat center. At the time I didn't pay much attention to its purpose, I only marveled at the beauty of the renovations. However, somewhere in the back of mind I recalled them talking about it becoming a place of refuge for marriages in crisis.
Honestly, I didn't even remember how long ago the wedding had been, nor did I even know if the retreat center was ever completed. Yet, God drew me to "Google" the place from my phone while I was laying in bed that night. What I discovered was a Marriage Intensive. I had no idea what a Marriage Intensive was, but I quickly learned all about it over the next few days.
About six weeks later, Heather and I headed to Rome, GA for a Marriage Intensive hosted by the National Institute of Marriage (www.nationalmarriage.com) at the place we had toured years before. Who knew that we would be the very ones that would need this place of refuge to save our marriage? Over the course of a week, we spent nearly 40 hours in group counseling with 4 other couples and 2 therapists. I remember a question that I was asked over the phone when we were doing some preliminary work prior to the Intensive. One of the counselors asked me if I was willing to allow God to perform a miracle in our marriage. My answer was "yes," and that is exactly what God did that week.
I have thought about our Intensive several times over the last couple of days for a number of reasons. First, our Marriage Mentoring/Accountability session tomorrow night is on communication. Heather and I will be sharing several practical communication techniques that we learned in our Intensive. They are techniques that we still use to this day! I also spent some time on the phone this weekend with a pastor friend of mine in Virginia. He had been counseling a couple in marriage crisis, and he inquired about us coming up to spend some time with them in an "intensive" setting. What an honor that would be! Finally, Justin and Trisha Davis, authors of the new book Beyond Ordinary, just announced this week that they will be offering their first RefineUs Weekend Experience (refineus.org), which will be a Marriage Intensive for 10 couples.
Marriage Intensives are certainly designed to save marriages that may be in the midst of a crisis. However, they are so much more than that. In fact, you don't even need to be in crisis mode to attend a Marriage Intensive. Really, you may just need change in your marriage. Whatever the case may be, I encourage you to investigate a Marriage Intensive, and I highly recommend it. Use the links above to check out National Institute of Marriage and Justin and Trisha Davis' upcoming Marriage Intensive. There are others available, so find the one that is right for you!
Rusty and Heather
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