Role of the Wife

Sorry ladies, but the last post didn't necessarily get you off the hook. Just because your husband is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home doesn't mean that you get to sit back and do nothing. In fact, your role in spiritual intimacy is absolutely crucial, and, without it, there won't be any spiritual intimacy in your marriage.

Before listing some very practical roles of the wife, let me (Rusty) just speak from the heart for a moment. Spiritual leadership is HARD for men. There are a number of reasons it is so hard for us. At the top of the list is inadequacy. Even for those of us with seminary degrees! It probably comes as no surprise that most men feel like their wives are far superior to them spiritually. Spiritual leadership is also difficult for men because some of the elements involved are very unnatural for men. Take a look back at the list from the previous post (Role of the Husband). You will notice that many of the items on the list require the man to "open up" and become "expressive." Unless you recently arrived on this planet, those are not terms that get most men excited. Plus, being open leads to vulnerability, which often leads to being exposed as a "poser" in certain areas.

I share all of that honestly to let the wives know that we (husbands) need your help! I believe that most husbands are willing to take on the role of the spiritual leader (especially if they know what that actually means), they just need some encouragement and support from you, the wife.

Role of the Wife:
1. Personal spiritual growth - I love this quote: "A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man has to seek Him to find her."
2. Pray for your husband and children
3. Pray with your husband and children - just because the husband is the spiritual leader doesn't mean that you cannot initiate prayer with him
4. Praise ANY effort - the starting point for some husbands is saying the blessing at the dinner table. If that is where your husband is right now, praise him as if he has just preached a crusade in front of thousands of people. Your praise will encourage him to move into greater leadership roles spiritually.
5. NEVER nag - I cannot stress this enough...nagging your husband about him leading you spiritually will shut him down and crush his desire more than you can ever imagine.
6. Make it easy for him to lead, and make it obvious how important it is to you - Let me give you a practical example...the next time your husband comes to bed, have a devotion book out and say, "I looked ahead in our devotion book, and I am really looking forward to us reading it together tonight." It cannot get any easier, and it shows how important it is to you without nagging.

Spiritual intimacy needs leadership, and that leadership should come from the husband. However, every leader needs a support team. You, the wife, are the support team.

Rusty and Heather