Help is for the strong

Last night in our marriage small group the topic of counseling came up. Heather took a few moments to share our views and attitudes toward seeking help in marriage, or help with anything in life for that matter. Our thoughts on counseling are very different today than they used to be.

For the last 3 years I have written down many of my thoughts on things that I have learned about God, Satan, and marriage. Here is a little insight as to how I used to feel about counseling:

"Less than 24 hours after receiving the first devastating news that would change my life forever, I found myself in a counseling office. What a strange feeling. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would need the services of a counselor. I guess I always thought that counseling was for people that were really messed up. Well, I had just found out that at least one of us in our marriage was really messed up! At the encouragement of my father-in-law, and somehow knowing almost immediately that it was the right thing to do, my wife and I found ourselves sitting on a couch in front of a Christian counselor. I don't recall many details from that first counseling session. I am sure that my mind and body were both still very much in shock. However, I do remember being in a small room with no windows, and the room was decorated nicely with a couple of chairs, a sofa, throw pillows, lamps, etc. I don't really know why I remember those things, because I am not really a person of décor detail. I recall sitting on one end of the sofa, as far away from my wife as I could possibly get, and I don't remember looking up very often. My head hung in pain, sorrow, and even embarrassment. After all, I was a minister. I had taken counseling classes myself during seminary. How could this be happening to me?"

It is pretty clear that I always thought that counseling, or even asking for unprofessional help, was a sign of weakness. Little did I know how much it would become a part of my life for the better part of a year. In 2011-2012, we visited 2 professional counselors, both individually and together. We attended a marriage intensive where we experienced over 40 hours of counseling in a group setting over a 4 day period. We also each had accountability partners and mentors that we met with weekly for over a year. Honestly, we may not have made it without the help of others. I only wish that we had sought help from others earlier in our marriage. I guess pride won that battle.

What I have learned is that going through life and marriage ignoring difficulties and struggles is easy. The weakest individuals and couples can pull that off. It takes real strength to ask for help. Since I am a man, I will just say it this way...it takes a real man to ask for help. It takes a real man to go to counseling. Because a real man tells his wife that "you are more important than my pride, and I will take whatever measures are necessary to make sure our marriage survives and thrives."

Please ask for help before it is too late! If you don't know where to start, we would be happy to help. Contact us (3strandsmarriage@gmail.com) and we can get you pointed in the right direction for the help that you need. Maybe the first step is just admitting to someone that you need some help. We have walked the darkest roads. We understand.

One of our small group members told us that someone once said, "We go to counseling once a week so that we won't need counseling." May not be a bad idea...

If you are strong enough.

Rusty and Heather