Do real men grieve?

Yesterday we lost a family member. Our 13 year old chocolate lab, Buster, was put to sleep around 12:30 Sunday afternoon after discovering a large cancerous mass in his abdomen during the night. As you can imagine, our family (including 11 year old Luke and 7 year old Logan) is grieving the loss of a big part of our family. For those of you that have pets or have had pets, you understand.

Yesterday afternoon and last night were a really special time for our family as we sat together and talked about Buster's life. We also talked about the pain that the next few days and weeks might bring. Since then, we have noticed our oldest son, Luke, going through the various stages of the grieving process (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). I learned so much about grief 2 years ago when I was grieving the loss of what I believed my marriage to be on the heels of my wife's confession of infidelity. I know that experience is helping me to grieve, and also helping me to give guidance to my family during this time as well.

I went for a run this morning and had some time to process things and talk to God. One thing that God showed me is how different I am now compared to two years ago. Had this happened two years ago I can assure you that I would have tried to be a "man" and just brush it aside. In fact, I probably would have found myself hiding any tears that I might have, encouraging my kids to "get over it" quickly, refusing to talk about Buster to avoid any pain, and maybe even making jokes to lighten the mood (ex. at least I don't have to feed the dog anymore, or, I sure will be glad to eat in peace without the dog barking at me). Instead, I am walking through the stages of grief with my family just like an open book. We are talking about Buster, we are talking through the pain of his loss, and we are celebrating the memories that we have of him. Grief can be a sweet and beautiful experience if we allow God to teach us and grow us through the difficult time.

I already know that some of you are thinking, "it's just a dog." Or, better yet, "be a man, and teach your boys how to be men." Here is my response...

Two years ago...

I became a man when I wept over the sins of my wife, and the death of our marriage as we knew it.

I became a man when I felt real anger toward my wife and two other men, but did not sin in my anger.

I became a man when I chose to forgive my wife, and walk with her down the tough path of restoration and redemption.

I became a man when I learned to take responsibility for the spiritual health of my family and the role that I played in the near failure of our marriage.

I became a man when I decided that everyday I would surrender to God and rely on His strength to love my wife as Christ loves the church.

Today...

I am a man because I wept over the loss of Buster, who was also a friend and a member of the family.

I am a man because I cared enough for Buster that I took him to the veterinary emergency room at 4:00 in the morning.

I am a man because I picked up Buster's near lifeless body and carried him to the car so that I could transport him to our vet and he could relieve his pain forever.

I am a man because I held Buster's head in my hands while the vet administered the shot that allowed him to drift off to sleep.

I am a man because I am walking my family through grief with an openness and honesty that will teach them lifelong lessons about God and his love for us.

Real men grieve...

Rusty